Tom and I have absolutely no desire to see Snakes on a Plane. However, that does not mean that we don’t find its marketing campaign fascinating. How on Earth a movie with such an imbecilic premise could get the kind of free publicity this one has gotten is beyond us. It is, pure and simple, GENIUS; so much so that our children are also fascinated by Snakes on a Plane.

Let me explain how they even know about the movie. The answer is three-fold:

1. There are commercials for the “film” (*cough*) during one of our favorite family television shows: The Simpsons.

2. Emma can read, and often tells us what movies are playing down at the Chaska Cinema. This week, she told me that “Snakes on a Plane is now in theaters.” Then Patrick and Gracie were also made aware of the status of the movie.

3. Tom’s cousin Peter (www.thetierneys.com/ny) sent a link to a YouTube vignette made by one of his friends. It was a tribute to Snakes on a Plane recorded to the music of “Band on the Run.” It can be found at http://youtube.com/watch?v=cb6YZNlyaXw. I made the mistake of playing it while the kids were around. Mostly, it’s harmless, but there is a bit about getting “your mfing snakes off my mfing plane” that you might not want your kids to hear. Anyway, I got the damn song stuck in my head and have been singing (well, let’s face it, I may call it singing, but we all know that I can’t carry a tune in a steam shovel) it over and over for four days. So, they heard it mentioned time and time again when I would warble “Snaaakes on a plane! Snaaaakes on a PLA-ANE!”

So, this leads me to the funny part. The other night at dinner, Patrick asked us, out of the blue, the following:

“Daddy, why were the snakes on the plane? Were they going on a trip? Were they going to Ohio like we did?”

To which, Emma responded:

“Let’s go to www dot snakesonaplane dot com slash whywerethesnakesontheplane to find out. That should tell us.”

Tom and I weren’t really sure how to respond. Her grasp of the Internet is both amusing and frightening. When we were five years old, there was no Internet, except in the deepest recesses of the Defense Department and Al Gore’s imagination (he invented the Internet, donchknow!), so we certainly wouldn’t suggest going there to look something up. But I also doubt that either of us would say “Let’s go to the Funk and Wagnall’s Sa-St volume and look up Snakes on a Plane to find out!” I just don’t think that we were that curious.

So, we explained that we didn’t think that the Internet address she provided would work, but that we could use Google to help us find the answer. Then she asked if she could play Google Games instead.

Ah, the folly of youth. I would have much preferred Yahoo! Games.