I never thought I would say it, but I am in favor of campaign finance reform. Oh, not at the national level. Let’s face it, national campaign spending is a farce. No. I meant something more elementary. Elementary school.

Yesterday, Emma jumped in the van, exceptionally excited for a five-year-old who’s just been in school for 6 hours. “Mommy! Some big kids were so nice to me! They gave me candy!” I told her that was nice to hear. I asked why they gave her the candy. “I just think they like me.”

Yes, Emma. They do like you. But, when we got home, I saw what the big kids liked even more: Emma’s vote. You see, it’s election time at Guardian Angels, and since tobacco laws prohibit giving cigarettes to minors in order to buy their votes, the candidates figured out the next best vote-purchasing currency: CANDY.

And not that crappy Bit ‘o Honey that pulls out loose baby teeth like they were ripe carrots. Nosireebob. They had Tootsie Rolls and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Hershey’s Kisses! Real candy. Good candy. CHOCOLATE candy. And attached to each little piece of candy was a little piece of paper instructing you to vote for a particular candidate. So, there it is. Buying my baby’s vote with candy.

Interestingly enough, Emma’s vote was not swayed by the candy bribes. She had already made up her mind. She was going to vote for Rachel Baker. I asked why. “Because she’s pretty, just like you, mommy.”

Well, that’s better, then. Don’t base your vote on who gives you the best candy. Instead, vote for the prettiest one, especially if she’s as pretty as your mommy.

Of course, Rachel won, and Emma was thrilled. Just as thrilled as Mommy will be when the Republicans maintain control of the House and Senate on November 7.