Can We Get You Another Drink, Mr. Heffner?
03/08/2006 20:37
Pat is a strange little man. He's smart, cute, and as goofy as any three-year-old boy should be, but he's also just plain strange. Take the "bee frosting" incident from the other evening. You may not have thought it odd that he was wearing pajamas at dinner. It's close to bedtime, so it's reasonable. However, he had been wearing pajamas all day long.
He *always* wears pajamas all day long. If we're home, he's in pajamas. If we have to go out, he'll get dressed, but he changes into pajamas as soon as we get home. He often changes his pajamas in the middle of the day for no apparent reason. By the end of the day, his room is littered with pajamas that have been pulled out of the drawer. We've taken to calling him "Hef." He has no idea what it means, but it amuses us. For next Christmas, we're buying him a little smoking jacket and silk pajamas.
In the mornings, the kids often feed themselves. They'll pull waffles out of the freezer and eat them cold. They'll help themselves to water out of the dispenser on the refrigerator. Rarely, they'll attempt to pour themselves some milk. Monday morning, Hef decided he wanted something stronger. He opted for a Diet Coke. (It's really caffeine-free Sam's Choice Diet Cola, but they don't know the difference. They still say "tissue" instead of "Kleenex" -- we'll work on diluting one brand at a time.)
Little hands aren't quite strong enough to open a soda can, so he had to resort to the next best option: Emma's Little Miss Murderer® Ice Pick! No, really, he just used his teeth. That wasn't terribly effective; if you look at the can, you can't even tell it's been opened. He was able to at least break the seal. How do you get the soda out of a can that's barely open? You squeeze it, of course. You hold it over a cup and squeeze it until not a drop remains inside. Pretty remarkable feat, if you ask me.
When we came downstairs later, the chair he used to climb up onto the counter was still pushed over in the corner. But his empty cup (he drank all of it) and the silly straw he had used were in the sink, where they belong. And the mangled soda can was sitting on the counter where we put all recyclables. He's such a good little boy.
He *always* wears pajamas all day long. If we're home, he's in pajamas. If we have to go out, he'll get dressed, but he changes into pajamas as soon as we get home. He often changes his pajamas in the middle of the day for no apparent reason. By the end of the day, his room is littered with pajamas that have been pulled out of the drawer. We've taken to calling him "Hef." He has no idea what it means, but it amuses us. For next Christmas, we're buying him a little smoking jacket and silk pajamas.
In the mornings, the kids often feed themselves. They'll pull waffles out of the freezer and eat them cold. They'll help themselves to water out of the dispenser on the refrigerator. Rarely, they'll attempt to pour themselves some milk. Monday morning, Hef decided he wanted something stronger. He opted for a Diet Coke. (It's really caffeine-free Sam's Choice Diet Cola, but they don't know the difference. They still say "tissue" instead of "Kleenex" -- we'll work on diluting one brand at a time.)
Little hands aren't quite strong enough to open a soda can, so he had to resort to the next best option: Emma's Little Miss Murderer® Ice Pick! No, really, he just used his teeth. That wasn't terribly effective; if you look at the can, you can't even tell it's been opened. He was able to at least break the seal. How do you get the soda out of a can that's barely open? You squeeze it, of course. You hold it over a cup and squeeze it until not a drop remains inside. Pretty remarkable feat, if you ask me.
When we came downstairs later, the chair he used to climb up onto the counter was still pushed over in the corner. But his empty cup (he drank all of it) and the silly straw he had used were in the sink, where they belong. And the mangled soda can was sitting on the counter where we put all recyclables. He's such a good little boy.
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